Willing

I'm still reading the book Reflections, by Jim Branch and have been struck once again by its relevance in my life right now.  I was studying the passage in Mark 11 when Jesus is going to his death in Jerusalem.... he was so willing.  Jim breaks apart willingness a bit.... here is what he says:

     "Willingness is such an essential ingredient in the life of faith.  It involves absolute trust and total surrender; requiring the release of  our will and our agenda for the sake of God's will and God's way.  Ultimately willingness involves a submission to following his lead, even if it takes us to places we'd rather not go.
     To be willing is to be obedient to his words and his call.  To be willing is to let his Spirit have its way with us.  To be willing is to stop being consumed with ourselves and start being consumed with God-- his desires, his puposes, and his work.  To be willing means to love him above all else."
    
So....where am I in all of this?  I feel like thru this whole process, I have been thinking.... okay-- I can see this is what the Lord is calling us to, so I will obey.  So many of us are homesick..... I hear daily from one of the kids, "I want to go home".... and I feel the same way.  I completely identify with what Jim wrote "willingness involves a submission to following his lead even if it takes us to places we'd rather not go."  What I really want is to simply be living my normal life in Tennessee where I speak the language, know where to buy simple things like pajamas & salad, start my kids in school on Tuesday, let them play with their friends, and be with our family.  This is what I want.  But... obviously God wants us here.  Will you pray with me that I will have a willing heart??

The last few weeks have been discouraging because it's been much more difficult emotionally than I was expecting.  I thought our time in language school & in Antigua would be the easy part of our year.  I mean, here we have electricity, high-speed internet, a washing machine-- most of the creature comforts... plus lots of people to help.  But it is not proving to be the easy part for my heart.  Just lots of emotions.... hard, sad, frustrated, longing for life to feel normal.... if that's even possible....

I have thought many times during the last two weeks that we must have lost our minds thinking that bringing four really tiny kiddos to a country where we don't speak the language and don't really know anything about the way things work was a good idea.  We really must be crazy.  But then I go back to the way the Lord worked it all out in crazy miraculous ways for us to be here--- so I have to rest in that. 

I am also really thankful for my beautiful Little Monkey who finds joy and fun in all that she does wherever she is.  She is currently throwing Quirkle blocks around the room & finding such joy in that activity!  She makes me smile and I'm thankful for all the kids because (for the most part) they bring me immense amounts of joy.

Please pray for me that I will be able to really BE here.  To be present to all the Lord is teaching us & not to simply "make it" until we go back home.  Thanks for your support!  Your notes of encouragement and emails are a life-line to me.