Battling Fear

He [Jesus] said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you.  Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”  Mark 5:34

Reading the passage in Mark where Jesus heals the woman who was bleeding for 12 years, I always had a hard time identifying with her…or finding my place in that story.  I tended to always identify most with the disciples who thought Jesus was being a little touchy (ha, ha) & sensitive to ask, “Who touched me?”  I haven’t battled a lifelong illness, so I struggled to identify with the woman.  All of that changed about 2 days ago.

I have had a struggle with fear for most of my life.  Since I’ve had children, those struggles have increased exponentially.  In talking with other women, I think I am pretty normal, so I’ve never given much thought to asking God to remove the struggle.  I’ve certainly prayed for freedom from fear at times when I’m feeling afraid; but for the most part, living in my little bubble in West Knoxville, I am able to keep those fears at bay with my own abilities and rational thinking.  However, with this move to Guatemala, the fears are coming out of the woodwork.  Sometimes it is hard to discern between concerns placed on my heart by the Holy Spirit to be something we consider before moving there, and fear that is not of the Lord.

Do I feel confident that we’re supposed to move to Guatemala?  Yes.  Do I feel confident that the Lord is leading Mark & me as a team and in unity?  Yes.  Does Mark share my struggle with the fears and doubts about the details of life in Guatemala?  No.  If he did, we would be a total wreck around here. 

However, in reading Mark 5:21-34, it was the first time I thought…I am the woman!!!!  My bleeding is the fear that has controlled decisions I have made all of my life…often leading me to make decisions because they feel safe and not scary.  Jesus commands the woman to go in peace.  I’m not sure I have ever truly experienced peace.  I’m not sure I ever thought it was really possible this side of heaven.  But Jesus commands her to go in peace & be freed from her suffering.  Giving her that command gives me hope that peace and freedom from fear are possible.  The word in Mark 5:34 is also “freed”—past tense.  She is already free; all she has to do is live out of that freedom!!!!!  WOW!!!

So, that’s a bit of where I am in my journey:  learning how to live out the freedom that has already been proclaimed over me.  Live a life in peace, freed from suffering from fear.