Here are the top 10ish most frequently asked questions during the last few months:
1. "Are you glad to be home?"
2. "How are you readjusting to our culture?"
3. "Do you feel "better"/"well" now that you are back?"
4. "Do you regret ever having gone to Guatemala?"
5. "How is Mark's new job?"
6. "How are the kids adjusting?"
7. "How is that little boy, Cesar?"
8. "What is Nina doing, now that you all are not there?/How are Kris and DeeDee?"
9. "Did you all accomplish all you set out to accomplish?"
10. "Would you go back again?"
11. "Do you like your new house?"
So...I thought I would conclude this Guatemala chapter of our lives by answering those FAQ's. Be forewarned...this could be a long one...I'm making up for the last few months of silence (at least on the blog--certainly there has been very little silence in my life...moving from foreign country + four kids +potty training + vacations +summer+moving into new house + culture shock+selling/getting rid of tons of unneeded stuff+getting ready for another year of home schooling = chaos...not silence)
**However, please know this is not the end of my writing. I have already set up another blog, and if you would like to you are welcome to follow it by email as you have this one...or simply add it to your reading list to follow. I can pretty much guarantee I will not post as often.
So...to the questions:
1. Yes...I am very glad to be home. I love Knoxville, I love Tennessee, I love family and being close enough to see them. I am very, very, very, very glad to be home.
2. I feel like we are all readjusting to our culture pretty well. Certainly Guatemala has changed us all. We desire to live a much more simple life...and so we have spent the last 3 months purging a lot as we have moved and unpacked. But for me, it is much more difficult to simplify the pace of life. This is something I have not mastered at all. The pace of life in the US is insane...and I am rotten at allowing the pace to control my family rather than our family deciding at what pace we would like to live and making choices in that vain.
Regarding the more general American culture, sure there are things that drive me nuts about it, which I have mentioned in previous posts, but in general, I am incredibly thankful for the United States. I am thankful for the way people are valued and cared for. I am thankful for the order on the roads. I am thankful for space and the value of personal space. These are all things I was very critical about upon my return from my first trip to Africa. I so wanted everyone in "rich America" to get it and understand how hard life is for the majority of the people in the world. I have been surprised how much peace I have felt moving into a home much bigger than anything my Guatemalan friends live in. But the Lord has reminded me that we do not choose where we are born. We do not choose the culture we are raised in. But we do choose what we do with that gift. I am incredibly thankful for the gift of being an American. It is a gift I do think I grossly took for granted for most of my life. However, being back in this culture, I am daily giving thanks for things I never even saw as blessings before this journey.
3. I think several people in my life...perhaps more than several, were hopeful that I would become "well", which I suppose means I would be able to stop taking anti-depressants, when I returned from Guatemala. As if coming home were the real cure. This however, is not at all the case. Yes, being home is easier. Life is simply easier in many, many ways. However, the Lord used our time in Guatemala as a season of stripping for me. The depression was there prior to Guatemala...I simply had many more coping mechanisms in the states than I did in the isolation of the jungle. Scripture often refers to seasons in the wilderness as times of refining. A refining process is painful-- it involves fire. Our time in Guatemala was a personal fire for me. I was heated up to a point where so many of my impurities came to the surface and I was so limited in my resources--there was no distraction from those impurities--I just had to deal with them. And that led me to a point of great despair and hopelessness...and depression. So, upon returning to the States, the battle now is to stay in that fight. It would be very easy for me to simply get busy again (a great coping mechanism) and fall back into my old patterns of pretending everything is great and fine and I have it all together. I am fighting that battle by continuing in counseling and continuing to allow the Lord to dig out the muck in my life--find those impurities and make me into the woman He desires me to be. Oh, it is so painful, but it is so good and so worth it. And I am thankful to have the comforts of home as I wrestle and "become". And the becoming is slow...and life long. So, no, I am not "well" or "fixed" and I do not believe I will ever be "well" until I reach the other side of eternity where the Great Healer will make all things NEW!!
4. I have been asked many times if I regret having gone to Guatemala, since it was such a hard season for me. I would answer that with a resounding NO!!! I am so thankful that the Lord knew that in order to wake me up, he needed to remove me from this culture and get me still and quiet for a significant amount of time. And if going through a painful season is going to make me a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend, I would not trade that for anything. It would be like saying I don't want to have a baby because childbirth will be too painful---how much would be lost if I were not willing to go through some pain in order to reap the benefits of what lay on the other side.
5. Many of you do not know that Mark began to work for First Utility District of Knox County upon returning from Guatemala. He is enjoying it, though, as with all new jobs, there is always an adjustment period. He is enjoying getting to know his new co-workers and facing the challenges of learning the new routine. It's especially unique because several of the people he works with were able to visit us in the Ulpan Valley on the February team. My man of many words, when asked, "Do you like your new job?" replies, "Yes."
6. The kids have adjusted remarkably well. The first few months we were home were a little rough, especially for the youngest two. After being in the states for a while, we realized, that perhaps this did not feel like home to them. They were so young when we left last summer, perhaps Guatemala was really what they remembered the most...especially for Little Monkey. But now that we are in our new home, they feel comfortable here and are very well adjusted. Back to sibling rivalry, lots of laughter, and the general chaos with which our home abounds.
7. The last I heard about Cesar was after our teammates, Kris and DeeDee returned in late May. They had been to visit him just before they left the valley and brought a video to show us. What we witnessed was nothing less than a miraculous transformation: a typical six-year-old boy, laughing, playing soccer, running, and looking very healthy. As you may remember, he is currently being cared for by his uncle and aunt. They have children of their own, but they truly seem to love Cesar and want to keep him permanently. Please pray this will be able to happen. Supposedly, the Guatemalan authorities will reevaluate his case in a year (somewhere around April or May, probably) to determine if he will remain with the uncle's family or return to his mother. Please pray for great wisdom and discernment for all involved. Thank you for praying for him and asking about him.
8. Nina is currently living in Guatemala City. She has been working this summer for the Guatemalan equivalent of "American Idol" television show as the cook for all the contestants!! She and her sister have enjoyed working this job together, but it has been extremely tiring!! I have been able to talk with her every several weeks. She is working toward getting re-registered for school and planning to begin classes in January. We are all very hopeful that she will be able to come and visit our family this fall before she begins school. Please pray she will be able to receive a visitors Visa to the United States and that her registration for school will be simple.
Kris and DeeDee returned to the states at the end of May. We have seen them once and plan to see them again this week!! Kris has started a new job at an engineering firm in Nashville. They are getting re-settled into their house and eagerly expecting a new addition to their family-- due to arrive in November!!! We are very excited for them and I can't wait to see DeeDee's growing belly this weekend!!!
9. What we planned to accomplish and what was realistic were perhaps two very different things. I think one thing we learned is that our Western mindset is so ingrained in us. We desire things to happen quickly...and that simply isn't the case in a third world setting. Community development work is S.L.O.W. And a very important lesson to learn is that truly, sustainable, community development NEEDS to be slow. It needs to be community driven. So, while all the water work that Mark worked on while there is meeting the needs of hundreds of people who did not previously have access to potable water, the real accomplishment is that there was an intense amount of training poured into each of the villages in which they worked. Mark went down with hopes to install more systems than what actually happened, but I believe the lasting impact was great. Please pray that the training will continue to filter to other villages and water systems will continue to find their place in the neighboring villages, with help from Knox ProCorps and others when necessary.
10. I would love to go back to Guatemala to visit again. I miss Nina and would love to be with her again. If we went into any foreign missions setting again, I think we would do things very differently. The circumstances in which we lived taught me a lot about my own limits: I need physical space to live that feels safe and provides me a quiet place to simply be. I need time away from my children. Mark & I need time and space to communicate well and have a solid marriage. I need a body of believers with which to worship on a regular basis. I need community around me. So...knowing these limits, we would make different choices if we ever did anything like this in the future. I will not limit the Lord and say I would never live in a foreign/third world setting again. However, my heart's desire for now is to be exactly where I am.
11. I LOVE OUR NEW HOUSE!!!!! Here are the words that come to mind as I think of our home: peaceful, freedom, unexpected blessing, beautiful setting, made for our family. We can set up a slip & slide and wear out all the kiddos really fast!! Our neighbors are wonderful and we are quickly forming some neat friendships. There are kids all around and that has been such a wonderful surprise for my kids. We would love for you to come visit...our screen porch is my favorite space as I sit in my Guatemalan hammock, drink my coffee, watch the sunrise over the 85 acre hayfield behind us, and watch the three horses graze in the neighboring field...yeah...it's pretty awesome!!! Come join me for coffee!!
So...for now...those are my answers to some of those hard and not-so-hard questions. Thank you so much for your faithful following of this journey we have been on. As with all of us, the race is not finished while we yet breathe on this earth. If you would like to continue reading what I am musing during this adventure of life, please feel free to follow my new blog Love to you all. Your support and encouragement have meant more to us than you could ever imagine!!
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